Last Name
by Ghost Writer no. 3
Summary: Very much Alternate Universe. Inspired by the song "Last Name" by Carrie Underwood. This is not suppose to be taken seriously. This is for pure amusement. Drunken morning afters are quite fun. So many strange things.


This hit me and it needed to be written. I find it amusing, so I guess that is what matters. Though I hope others enjoy.

Disclaimer: Don't own Kingdom Hearts. No complaints right now about it. Give me time. I also don't own the song "Last Name." This is song by Carrie Underwood and produced by 19 Recordings Limited? Not sure, but whomever produced the song, it is not me.

* * *

Roxas realized he needed to pee. It kind of hurt. He would get up in one minute. But he was too tired and too comfy. His mouth felt really dry. He really needed a drink. But still, he would get up in one minute. Too tired and too comfy. Then other pains quickly filled over and under every inch of skin. It awoken and inflamed his muscles. It made the velvet surrounding him feel useless. So he sat up with a stretch. Oh that was a mistake.

Parts hurt. Every part. Even parts he thought did not have names. It felt like he was back in gym class on the first day of weight training. His eyes opened this time to take in the surroundings. This ceiling…was new. Actually, half of the ceiling was obscured by the top of a blanket or something. A canopy bed? He didn't have a canopy bed.

It hit him: He drank too much. He was warned. His sister said he was going to get alcohol poisoning. Well, the hurt and grogginess stuck so he wasn't dead. From what he remembered from all those helpful 'Drug-free-is-the-way-to-be' movies, they turn blue from chocking on their own vomit. He did not feel like vomiting. Just like he was a crash dummy.

Roxas could recall dancing for probably a couple hours. When he closed his eyes, his feet felt like moving. And they throbbed. Not in a bad way, just in a tender way. That blister he felt, though, that stung. Now he understood his father's warning about drinking too much.

Then he started remember the tall red-head. Oh, his mother warned him about that. Never go off with random woman. Especially any that have tattoos. He remembered tattoos. Very tall with long legs. And red, spiky hair. Red hair like his mother, spiky hair like his father. That was a fatal attraction. She was really thin and tall but what nice hips and face.

It was still blurry, but she kept calling him Blondie or Baby or something. Roxas never though he would be attracted to taller women…

_--_

_**Last night I got served a little too much of that poison baby**_

_**Last night I did things I'm not proud of**_

_**And I got a little crazy**_

_**Last night I met a guy on the dance floor**_

_**And I let him call me baby**_

_Roxas decided to get drunk. Just relax and un-wined with his typical group of friends. Usually he never tagged along. He did not like to drink plus due to his height, he constantly got asked what his age was. For a girl, this is flattery, but for a guy, this is embarrassing. _

_Current, he nestled a little bottle of something strong and small in front of him. At first, it was a few small drinks. He did not plan to do anything. He planned to wait until Hayer, Olette, and Pence were done dancing with others, dancing with each other, dancing with him on every occasion, or just laughing about nothing. He always was the more quiet one, only bringing words ups when needed. And punching people if anyone threated his buddies. _

_Something caught his eyes. Over some distance away right at the corner was the longest set of legs he had ever seen. They were hidden under the tightest pair of black pants he head ever seen. He loved those long legs; it was his weak point. _

_Roxas could only stare with a blush at the woman. Obvious older, but obvious looking very unhappy. Under the bad lighting of the bar, with her bright hair, he though for a moment. Then grinned. _

_He sent her a drink over. Maybe she would give him a smile at least. What he got soon was an invitation to dance..._

_**And I don't even know his last name**_

_**Oh, my mama would be so ashamed**_

_**It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"**_

_**And then it turned in, "Oh no, what have I done?"**_

_**And I don't even know his last name**_

--

It had been fun. What he could remember it of it at least. They danced for hours. Early into the morning. He also remembered telling Pence to tell Hayer and Olette he would be heading somewhere else. Pence gave him a funny look, he remembered that, and warned him about the time. He waved it off after having too many drink and indicated to the 'attractive older woman who would take him home later.'

Pence looked back and gave an equally funny look to his guest who sat back down from the bar, picking up her jacket. Then he stared at Roxas. He went over to grabbed Hayer and Olette, both dancing very slowly together, and talked to them, pointing at the lady at the bar. Hayer stared, then suddenly laughed. He came up, clapped Roxas on the back, and said go for it. Get his cherry popped by clearly this 'attractive older woman who would take him home later.'

Roxas remember crying and hugging his best friend who gave him some money, just in case. Did he mention how much he loved Hayer?

It hit him. Yes, Roxas was a virgin. A real 'was.' This would upset his mother. She always preached about saving himself for someone special and it wasn't un-cool or anything. There was nothing wrong to wait until you were married.

He asked his father later and true enough, both his parent never touch another person besides one another. Though his admitted they had fun long before they were married with children.

Doubtful his mother would appreciate her son running off with some woman for one-night stand. Though frankly, Roxas was twenty-one, so why should he feel guilty?

But he did feel a little bad and felt pain. Oh the pain. He needed to drink more. Yes, build up a tolerance. But the time, the time...

Oh look, there was his bed mate. Still asleep with her back turned to him. Nice back.

A groggy smile appeared on his face. Well, he was obviously naked and she was obviously naked from the waist up. So...yes. Good for you, Roxas. First one-night stand. Now he was no longer a boy.

The smile turned into a prideful grin as he yet again searched for a clock. She looked down for the count if the even breathing meant anything. He was not ready to awaken her, less they needed introductions again. Besides, the way he felt, maybe he should let her sleep in a little. He did not feel quite ready to rise. And the view was nice. It was slim and long and nicely toned. The back. He smiled, then nearly giggled.

He looked for the clock. Oh, it was on the other side. Four-eighteen. 4:18 p. m. Nearly the afternoon. Wow. Though not as late as he expected. Alright. They left around 3:00 A. M. He remember 3:00 A. M. because that was what the car clock displayed.

--

_**We left the club right around three o'clock in the morning**_

_**His Pinto sitting there in the parking lot **_

_**Well it should have been a warning**_

_**I had no clue what I was getting into**_

_**So I blame it on the Cuervo**_

_**Oh where did my manners go? **_

_"A Pinto? You drive a Pinto?" Roxas looked at the Ford with some distrusted. He was half-leaning on his dance partner. He drank too much. He realized it. But right now he did not care. Because he still felt wide awake and there was a Pinto. _

_It just sat there, so out of place with its green paint and long flame decals on the side. It looked very tacky. He expected a little Beetle or something. Maybe a mini-van. But a Pinto. Must have inherited from a brother or something. It looked in good condition. Even though it still stayed a Pinto._

_Roxas knew nothing about cars but, "I think this is on the list of the top most idiotic cars ever in existence." His companion snorted. Then Roxas started to laugh. It was funny, if you thought about it. _

_He toppled into the car. He felt dizzy, disorientated, but wide awake. And happy. So very happy. He liked feeling this way. When the tall diva took to the wheel, she turned to him and asked where would they go, 'my place or yours.' Of course, his place was out of the question: He still lived with his parents and sister. In this day and age it was not uncommon; cheaper then a dorm. But nothing to impress this lovely Athenian woman._

_Besides, he did not want this night (morning?) to end. So he grinned and asked, "How much gas you got?"_

_While they cruised down some highway in the middle of the night with the windows down, Roxas found an un-opened bottle of Cuervo and decided to keep the party going..._

_**And I don't even know his last name**_

_**Oh, my mama would be so ashamed**_

_**It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"**_

_**And then it turned in, "Oh no, what have I done?"**_

_**And I don't even know his last name**_

--

The pain he felt in his back, he realized, were scratches. They stung and not in a good way. But it was okay because it meant he was good. That was something to be happy about, right? Especially for a first time. He grinned again. He turned to look at that ever-so-bare back.

Oh, she rolled in her sleep. Maybe she was awa-

Roxas' jaw dropped. He got a good look at _her_ face. There was nothing wrong with the face: Peaceful expression, smeared eyeliner, those little tattoos still crying on the cheek, perfect jaw (all slant and lines, but not strong), and very nice figure considering...

Considering it was very lacking in certain areas. Roxas did not have extensive knowledge of female anatomy, but he was pretty sure even the flat-chested of girls still had something on their chest.

This one did not. In fact, the chest looked rather flat and tone. No softness anywhere.

Oh that sobered him up by a lot. Alright, so maybe she was just a very, very absent breasted woman.

She stirs again and cracks open one slightly blood-shot eye. The iris was a dazzling green, even against the tired red-and-white eye-ball. A smile appeared. A rather drooping smile. "Hi," a slightly raw, nasally, but a non-feminine voice came out. Roxas could not reply. The very tall-legged...person...did not seem off by it. "I don't remember much...like your name. But I remember you so...it's not that bad." Well, _they_ looked happy.

"Yah..." That was all that Roxas could bile up from his throat.

"Okay." The bed-headed redhead gave another otherwise charming smile before he slowly collapsed back onto the bed. Soon the taller of them felt asleep, hair half-buried in the over-large pillow. Roxas started at the defiant him for a few moments, then started at the ceiling mouth gaped.

He swore that was a woman. It looked like a woman. Thin as a woman. Graceful as a woman.

That was no woman he lost himself in last night.

Now he looked around. Where was he? He slowly moved out of bed. He was a little shocked, but he got out carefully. That would be rude to wake the other up just because he had a problem. And too many questions he did not think he could deal with at the moment. Especially deal with...him...

He obvious was in a hotel. An expensive hotel. Nice bed and nice room. Looked rather clean. He looked around for his pants. Well, they were right there somewhere...near a bathroom. Whatever. He grabbed them, a little self conscious that he walked around a room naked in a room with another naked man (who still stayed asleep). He slipped the pants on and stepped on a familiar hard, plastic budge. Oh thank you!

He pulled out the phone. He received thirty-three messages. He scratched his head as he moved about the room, finding various articles of clothing. Some weren't his. But he grabbed what he found and encased it under his left arm while he scanned his phone in his free hand.

16 voice messages from his house.

5 messages from Hayer.

3 messages from Olette.

2 messages from Pence.

6 messages from his sister.

1 message from unknown.

There were also many text messages from his friends, with Pence having liberties with capital letters, but he ignored them in favored of listening to the voices. All were asking where he went, where he was, what happened to that pretty girl (and noting from the obvious sneer in Hayer's voice, he knew that was no pretty girl. Bastard). The messages from Namine were more or less saying if he couldn't tell their parents where he was, tell her at least. Because that is what twins do.

And the sixteen from his parents...

He looked around the room for any identification as to the hotel. As he did, he listed to each and ever message from his parents. Each one slowly ate away at his beating heart. No windows to look through. Kind of strange, but maybe it was to block out sound or something. Each message was either his father asking in a rush about why he did not come home or the growing frantic in hysteria in his mother's voice.

He looked at his bed-mate. Oh yes, mother would not be too proud of him for that. Not to say she would likely care if he suddenly though he was attracted to a man, much less became involved in one. Maybe surprised and a little sad that she would never get grandchildren, but if he made a closet confession, she would give him a hug and a kiss and say, 'It's alright, you're still my little boy.'

His mother was indeed a great and caring woman. And maybe finally happy to have an excuse to get him shopping with her.

However, she would not be pleased with the knowledge that her baby just had lost his precious innocence to what he thought was a woman. No, he could not call her and tell her that he was somewhere he did not know with a man he now knew, but not actually knoew him. It did not even cross him mind on what his father would think because the likely hood was his father would not understand. Not upset or wish to not under; his father was the perfect father, but Roxas knew he received his intelligence from the material care-giver.

Oh, some sort of paper. What was this?

He skimmed over at. Then stared at the picture. Then really read everything on it. Then nearly cried.

This was something his mother would mourn over. No, be devastated! No way. No way was this happening.

He panicked. What could he do, what could he do?

He could called the only person he could trust at the moment.

--

_**Here we go...**_

--

Riku worked as a journalist. Free lance most of the time, with a few jobs hear and there. Sometimes an independent writing research paper to maybe a ghost-writing gig. Hell, he even got publishing in a few acredit science maganiznes. Contrary to how it may seem, he was no literature writer, but he liked to write down what he saw happen in front of him.

But this was a career. Not his hobby, not his favorite thing to do to dispel boredom. This was the profession he was proficient in. He liked to do other activities besides writing. Like swimming. Or walking. Or beating people up with a wooden sword.

Harmless hobbies, really.

Riku could not father children. It was an unfortunate thing. True, in his wilder and younger year, he never had to worry about accidental pregnancies. But now in the close-to-middle-age time of his life, he felt a little lonley about not spawned half-bastard children about.

Fortunately, he had friends. Some of them were married. Most of the couples had children. And through those children he had a chance to play daddy. Or at least cool Uncle Riku because at the end of the day, he could give the little brats back to their parents. It was fun playing hide and seeks the first ten times, but after that it gets to be a little too much.

Riku tried not to play favorites, either, but there were two children he simply adored. This fact could be explained easily; he was, after all, their godfather. Yes, Sora and Kairi, his best friends since forever and a day, promised their first born would be his to equally call his own. Then they had a two-for-one set of toe-head babies, so Riku received spiritual rights over twins. He remembered fondly on how he joked about how a red-head and a brunet spawned a baby girl with nearly ash-color hair and a boy with a solid yellow-orange top. Of course, looking at the rest of the two kids, it was easy to see fate rolled some recessive genes onto them in only their hair.

He actually was not thinking about the children in question when his phone rang. But if he was, he would be thinking this fact. He picked up the old office device and put it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Uncle Riku?"

The white-haired man blink. Why that sounded like Roxas. But his voice was off from the usually calmness. And usually the boy was quiet but held a smartness to it. Unless he was upset and angry. This voice betrayed fear.

"Roxas? Is everything alright?"

A silence.

"No...um, listen, I need you help."

Normally, Riku would grin and nodded. Like mentioned before, this was his Godson. Probably the closest thing he would ever get to a son. But the tone over the phone. It worried him.

"What happened?"

Now that he thought about it, Kairi and Sora left him a voice mail earlier. They asked if he had seen Roxas and if he did to call them. Well, maybe he should.

"Um...you know for our twentieth birthday you gave me and Naminé a get-out-of-jail free card?"

Oh damn. Now he could not tell his friends. See, Riku, being the swell guy he was and for the life of him could not think of a good present to give them that year, had decided to give them the present of freedom. If they got into a sticky situation, he would bail them out no matter what.

He kind of saw the stupidity in that.

"Are you in jail?"

"No..."

"You know, you parents called about you. What should I tell them?"

"No! You can't tell them this! Mom would never laugh again! She would be very sad."

A pause, from Riku's end.

"...You killed someone?"

"WHAT?!"

"No no, you don't need to tell me anything. In fact, it might be better if you don't tell me anything. I know this guy; he'll dispose of any incriminating evide-"

"Riku, I did not kill anyone!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright, then, what do you need?"

"...I need a ride back home."

"Oh, if that's all, then don't worry. Don't waste your free chance on that."

"But, there's a problem."

"What's that?"

"...I don't really know where I am..."

"Ah, one of those nights, huh?"

"Yah...I'm at a hotel."

The man finally chuckles, now in a relax since he found out that his more-or-less half son did not do anything illegal. Well, maybe not too illegal. In some cities it was not illegal. If he did indeed pick up one of those 'woman of the night.' Keep a note of this. This thought process is ironic. It will be.

"How pretty was she?"

"What?!"

"How pretty was she?"

Another silence, but the phone in Roxas's hand shifted.

"Unbelievable, sir."

Riku chuckled. Good for him. He needed to live a little.

"So this is why you need a ride? Still, you don't need to waste it. If you need me to pick you up, it's really fine. I promise I won't tell Kairi."

"That's not the problem."

"Then what is?" Riku went by the window to gaze outside. It was a beautiful day. A lot of clouds dotted the sky to give it almost a painted look. The traffic was a bit of a stop and go, but average for the city commute. People walked dogs, children, and each other down the street. A banner displayed down the road, announcing the annual side-walk sale event.

He ignored all of this when the location of his blood brother's child was revealed.

"VEGAS?! YOU ARE IN LAS VEGAS?! WHY ARE YOU IN VEGAS!

--

_**Today I woke up thinkin' about Elvis somewhere in Vegas**_

_**I'm not sure how I got here**_

_**Or how this ring on my left hand just appeared out of nowhere**_

_**I gotta goI take the chips and the Pinto and hit the road**_

_**They say what happens here stays here**_

_**All of this will disappearThere's just one little problem...**_

_They had been riding for miles and miles. They were no where either of them have seen where they wanted to be. His date handling the wheel like a pro even though she took a sip every now and then. Roxas looked at the sky. It started to turn a little blue._

_"We need to find somewhere to stop."_

_A confirmation sound. Roxas looked at some signs. And there it was. A bill-board. _

_"Vegas." He said a little breathless. He always wanted to to go there. Now was as good as any time. "Can we got there?"_

_The woman turned and looked at him with highlighter eyes, then she grinned. "Oh yes. Yes."_

_--_

This was where the memories pretty much ended for Roxas. He had flashes of the Elvis impersonator, but that was it.

He did not know what to do. While he was still on the phone with his glorious savior, his...buddy got up. He stared at Roxas, gave him another grin, but then turned an interesting shade of green. The man never saw anyone move so fast. Roxas winced at the sounds of the morning after. He wonder if he should volunteer to hold all that hair up, but oh yah, he did not know who this person was. Besides, he needed to get out of here. Yes, out. He needed to meet up with Uncle Riku and get out.

He heard the shower running. The shower was running. The shower...running. He knew this was a sign. His mind moved slow but his body moved quickly; gathered up what he assumed were his clothing, gathered up whatever he thought was his, and hurries away.

It's only when he gets down to the lobby does he realize these pants are a little too big. He reaches in the pokes and...finds keys and some of those wooden coins.

--

_**I don't even know my last name**_

_**Oh my mama would be so ashamed**_

_**It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"**_

_**And then it turned in,**_

_**"Oh no, what have I done?"**_

_**And I don't even know my last name**_

_Riku pulled up to some dirt hole of a gas station. It's past twelve in the evening. He has been driving non-stop to get here except for gas and bathroom breaks (More so on the side of the road then in any gas station). He did not need to do any of this, but he was rather close with his best friends and rather them not know how far away from home their first born got off to. They called a few times. Thank goodness for transfer calls from the main line to his cell phone or else they may think he went missing, too. He had to make sure nobody knew this. Though there was one think he was certain of: Never again. Never again for surprised road trips. _

_...Oh who was he kidding? He always considered himself the type of person who would drop everything and bail a friend out of the slammer at two in the morning. In fact, he did it twice. Though it came out pretty even since he had been in the same situation some time ago._

_Ah, the glory days of youth. Now where was that way-ward child?_

_Oh, there he was. He was sitting on a car. Hopefully it did not have a car alarm nor an owner who may not like other's touching it. Once he spotted Riku's own motorized vehicle, the lad jumped off of the hood. He took two steps, then turned around and threw what had to be car keys in the car, leaving a window down and ripe for the pickings._

_Roxas climbed in the front see, put the belt on and stared straight a head._

_"Um...Roxas, since when do you own a Pinto?"_

_"I don't." His eyes remained a head and his lips remained tight. _

_Riku looked back at it. Yes, he thought so. Ugly thing it was. "So...who's car is it?" He asked very carefully._

_"Don't know. Didn't get a last name." The younger man stated ever-so calmly and quietly. _

_Riku stared at Roxas. "Did you just admit you committed Grand Theft Auto?"_

_"Not like I kept the car."_

_"Dammit kid, I know I said I'd bail you out and wouldn't ask questions, but now I know information." Riku did not appreciate lying about illegal activities. Not anymore, at least. Not when he actully saw the act happen as apposed to the maybe homocide._

_No witty retort except hands folding in the lap, "I wanna leave what happened in Vegas. I want it to remain there, too. We don't tell my mother this because she'll be ashamed and cry and blame herself."_

_Silence followed as they pulled out of the gas station. Riku sighed, but noticed Roxas was pulling at something on his finger. "What are you-" The god-father's voice raised several notches when he actually spotted what was on it, "Is that a wedding ring?!"_

_Roxas gave no explanation; he just stared ahead and grinned such a sad grin. He finally asked every so carefully, "Uncle Riku?" _

_"What?"_

_The grin vanished and he just looked ahead in a bit of a quiet shock. "I don't know my last name."_

_**What have I done**_

_**What have I done**_

_**What have I done**_

_**Oh, what have I done**_

_**I don't even know my last name**_

* * *

I hate serious song fics usually. But this isn't suppose to be seriously, so just laugh at it.

Edit Yah, I corrected the mistakes I saw. I'm not so well at this writing thing. Like, that who stupid grammer thingie


End file.
